By comicrelief on Skatehive
[Radio Jingle Fades Out] [Announcer's Voice] Welcome, welcome, welcome to the most inclusive, equitable, and downright politically correct soccer match you'll ever witness! I'm your host, Billie Quinn Harper on the WOKE FM: The Safe Space for Sports — my pronouns: [a pause as they shuffle papers]...uh...all of them — and today we've got a thrilling match lined up between Team Rainbow Harmony and Team Equal Unity! Now, remember folks, this isn’t your regular soccer match. Oh no, the rules here are quite simple: the game must end in a draw. Anything less than total equality will be deemed — well, problematic! [Crowd Noise] The teams are already on the field, and person-oh-person do they look stunning in their eco-friendly, gender-neutral uniforms made from 100% recycled materials. We’ve got everything out there today, folks! Wheelchair-bound players, non-binary dribblers, and even a player participating via Zoom due to social anxiety! [Whistle Blows] And we're off! Team Rainbow Harmony's