By tikatarot on Skatehive
I want to begin again, there is always a small humiliation in returning after I have made a mess because some proud part of me wanted either perfection or disappearance, I want to begin again, I used to think returning should feel noble and clean but most times it feels tender and slightly embarrassing, for all of the past challenges, I want to begin again, what costs me is the few moments before I want a restart, when shame tries to dress itself up as discernment and stepping away from what matters, I want to begin again, can I hear the lie I tell myself before it settles into my body, I want to begin again, because the path back is rarely grand and almost never dramatic, it is usually just me choosing not to obey the voice inside me longing for my true calling… I trust less and less, I am learning that forcing the work has its own kind of vanity because sometimes I grip too tightly out of fear and call it being terrified of being surprised by what literally comes through me, I trust